Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
