Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
