so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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