how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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