yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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