At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
