her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
