I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
