ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize