I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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