Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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