He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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