my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
