i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
