Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
