Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
