Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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