Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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