Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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