So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think my moral compass just broke
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
