Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
