meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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