Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
