u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
