First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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