y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
