You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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