I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
