I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize