My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
