cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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