Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
