Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
