i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
