Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
