im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize