the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
