You just made me feel so damn special
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
