Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
