i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
organizing the empties. That sober.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
