I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
