just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
