i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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