I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
