Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
