my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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