We're facebook friends in real life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
