If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
