I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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