I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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