Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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