remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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