i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
