this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
