When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
