if you like me you must not know who I am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just invented taco cereal.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize