Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
