I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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