There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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