ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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