Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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