Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
