Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize