I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
