I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
